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Choose Life

September 19, 2012

Life is a game, so play it to death

Last year I was making great progress to become a person, not this brokenminded mess that is my default state. I got a bus pass and was travelling more, I was going out with my girlfriend to dinner with her friends, I went to the theatre with my friend Chris, overcoming one of the worst panic attacks of my life to do so. I was kinda proud of myself.

That’s all great, you may say, why only KINDA proud?

Well here’s the thing: I was kinda proud of myself, because they were all big steps for me, but with each one, it felt like I was just pretending. I’m not sure how exactly, since it WAS me doing it, but it somehow felt fake, something I was doing short term before relaxing back into being myself again.

The truth is though that there is no “pretend.” Or at least there is, but it isn’t separate from Life. That’s important. Life is a game, there are rules but there’s unlimited potential for fun, and it goes on regardless of whether you’re actively playing it or in Jail. We all know you DO pass “go” but not collecting that $200 sucks, don’t it? So the trick is, I’ve finally realised, to harness them both. Without imagination there’s no living, but living isn’t required for Life to happen. To put it another way, if you don’t use your time well, it will move on, as if to say “I know when I’m not wanted,” and you’ll run out of it. It’s well known that people who have nothing to live for die sooner than those who keep busy or have a family to look after.

So pick a life, and live it. Think back to your childhood, what do you want to be? I wanted to be an astronomer even though I couldn’t say it. And a rally car driver. And a writer. Maybe an actor. Funny how now, twenty years on, I’m afraid of being in a car on the road. But I’ll get there.

This is my stab at writing. I’m on the ladder at last. What are you doing to live the life of your dreams?

I leave you with this thought:

Whenever I’ve gone out with the dog at night I stand in an alley between two houses and look up, and as my eyes adjust to the dark, the stars seem to say among themselves, “hey, he’s looking, quick, shine!” and they’ll fade into view.

Seek, and ye shall find. Then the real work begins.

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From → Motivation

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